


Spike & Willow Essay Part I: Unleashing the Monster to Hide the Geek

by shadowkat67



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Essays, Literary References & Allusions, Meta, Multi, non-fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-13
Updated: 2009-07-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:21:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22356331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowkat67/pseuds/shadowkat67
Summary: Spike and Willow: The Bloody Awful Poet meets Captain of the Nerd Squad.  Unlike Xander and Buffy, Spike and Willow don't mind the monster that much, actually they sort of prefer it, the monster makes them feel powerful, important. It's that small shy geeky nerd that resides inside that they fear and detest. This is a common theme for Joss Whedon, who realizes that as we move into adulthood, we need to learn how to let go of the pains and torments we received in the past. We need to learn new coping skills. Like Spike and Willow, we need to learn how to embrace our inner geek.





	1. Spike & Willow Essay: Part I - Unleashing the Monster to Hide the Geek

**Author's Note:**

> Essay written right after Villians aired or thereabouts in 2002. At the time, I was fascinated by the contrasting journeys of Spike and Willow, which I realized were being contrasted and compared by the writers. While re-watching the series - I realize part of the comparison by the writers of the series, what I was picking up on at the time, was a commentary on power - how we handle our darker impulses. This essay was written before I learned that Spike was getting a soul. At the time, the fight online was that Willow's arc made no sense (I argued it did) and that Spike was obviously going back to his evil ways and was irredeemable (I argued against this.).
> 
> "To create great drama or comedy, it is important to put the characters in a place where they are the least comfortable, the place they least want to be."
> 
> Before I go into this analysis - I want to point out something: Buffy the Vampire Slayer operates on at least three different levels, any speculation regarding future character development or meaning, needs to take into consideration these three levels.
> 
> Level One: Plot - Buffyverse Mythos - this is the whole general plot line of girl is vampire slayer fighting the demons and BB and her journey. Soul canon fits here.  
>  Level Two: Psychological, Literary and Dramatic Metaphor. This incorporates Joseph Campbell, Fairy Tales, Wizard of OZ…etc. The hero's journey or philosophy.  
>  Level Three: Reality, the literal view. Buffy and Spike = bad boyfriend S&M, Drug addictions. Accepting responsibility by doing an ordinary job, etc. This is how it relates to the real world.
> 
> And of course there's irony. The writers will always do the opposite of what we expect and always take us to that dark place. My writing challenge is take all the above into account in this analysis/speculation - if I fail - I'm sure someone will tell me. I plan to do this with a little help from some great posters-hope you guys don't mind me quoting you - but I think combined your posts show where these characters are headed and why.
> 
> APTOBTVS = All Things Philosophical About Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel the Series - Board Archives. (*Note hard to search, good luck finding referenced essays on it now.)

**Origins of William & Willow: Bloody Awful Poet & Captain Nerd**

In Season 1, Btvs we are introduced to shy, nerdy Willow, who wears odd clothes and spends all her time in the library. She squeaks when she speaks like a scared little mouse, jumping when Buffy asks her a question. When Buffy discusses going after Vampires - Willow suggests somewhat timidly calling the police. As Caroline points out in her post, Willow's Journey Through the Underworld posted 5/14/02 on ATP board, Willow of Season 1 is a girl with a lot of fear inside her. "We're not privy to details of her pre-Buffy life or her life with her parents, but I think it's fair interpretation that the child of two psychologists may have some issues. Willow's parents seemed to have practiced a form of benign neglect. As long as she got good grades, didn't put crosses on the wall and wasn't a witch, everything was okay. I think Willow is a good example of the adapted child. It's quite possible that many of the traits she expressed as a child were frowned on by her parents and she eventually developed an external persona that was more pleasing but this is a false sense of self." Caroline's argument is backed up in several different episodes of Btvs. In Passion, Season 2, we see Willow mentioning off-hand, that she's going to have find a way of explaining crosses on the walls to her father, Mr. Rosenberg. In the third episode of Season 3, Faith, Hope, & Tricks - "Willow protests leaving campus for lunch, even though she now has permission: Oh, but, no! What if they changed the rule without telling? What if they're lying in wait to *arrest* me a-and, and throw me in detention and mar my unblemished record?" Then later in Gingerbread, here's the scene between Willow and her mother:

> Willow: (surprised) Grounded? This is the first time *ever* I've done something you don't like and I'm grounded? I'm supposed to mess up. I'm a teenager, remember?  
>  Sheila: You're upset, I hear you...  
>  Willow: (stands up) No, Ma, hear this! I'm a rebel! I'm having a rebellion!  
>  Sheila: (smiling) Willow, honey, you don't need to act out like this to prove your specialness.  
>  Willow: Mom, I'm not acting out. I'm a witch! I-I can make pencils float. And I can summon the four elements. Okay, two, but four soon. (her mother doesn't react) A-and I'm dating a musician.  
>  Sheila: (disgusted now) Oh, Willow! (Gingerbread, Season 3, Btvs.)

Breaking the rules - is a big thing for Willow. Clearly her parents wanted her to be the perfect little prodigy - go off do your studies, don't bother us. Having met a few of these children in my lifetime, they tend to adapt to the world as Willow has by being quiet good students, and eventually retreating into drugs. They look for ways to hide. In fact the biggest drug users often tend to be people who have spent their lives trying to be someone else.

Spike is very similar to Willow in this regard. His parents may have also expected him to make tons of money and uplift their status by being a Gentleman. They no doubt sent him to quality schools, hence the scholarly demeanor and interest in poetry. As I've learned from my own experience, it takes more than schooling and money to learn the manners needed to fit within refined society, to be accepted by the elite. To deal with these demands, William developed an external persona that was more pleasing to his parents and teachers, but was false sense of self, easily shattered when he became a demon. (Yes - I know, William's soul is gone, but as Buffy mentions in Lie To Me and Darla states in Dear Boy, the vampire retains the memories and personality of the human it inhabits. The soul may be gone - but the personality and memories remain. So who William was and what William felt is still vitally important to the development of Spike.)

Like Willow, Spike was a geek as a human or as redcat states: William represents a certain recognizable historical character type from the late 19th century. The neurasthenic male. She decribes this person as "thin, slightly stoop-shouldered, fussily-dressed, clean-shaven, wearing glasses, carrying a book…A common linked attribute of this type of character ….was his over-identification with a usually widowed but always over-protective mother and the real or implied absence of a strong father." (See redcat's reply to Rufus's thoughts on Spike, 5/12/02, ATP board.) In this manner, William actually has quite a bit in common with Buffy, who also has the over-identification with the strong - over-protective mother and absence of the strong father figure. A point that both her mother and Professor Walsh comment on. Joyce mentions it in Becoming Part II - stating - "maybe this (vampire slaying and fighting) is the result of not having a strong enough father figure." Professor Walsh echoes her in A NEW MAN (Season 4 Btvs), telling Giles, that maybe Buffy's actions are the result of the lack of a strong father or disciplinarian. A point that Giles takes as an inherent insult. Redcat goes on to mention that "Buffy as the hero exhibits a number of the significant attributes that have been traditionally coded as "masculine."" Interesting - so William appears to take on more feminine attributes due to the lack of the masculine role model while Buffy takes on more masculine attributes - perhaps as a reaction to the lack of said model? In contrast to Willow - who has two parents who spend little or no time with her that we know of. So, do our parents create us? Are they inherently responsible to what we become?

Spike and Willow also mirror one another in their struggle for sexual identity. Willow is neurasthenic female, which is described in 19th century terms as "strongly feminist", pursuing intimacy with women, bookish, physically weak, reliable - all points that Willow initially works to refute. Her denial of these traits is seen as early as " I Robot You Jane" - her interaction with Moloch, showing Buffy and Xander that she too can interact with boys, albeit via a computer. Or later, when we see her dating OZ in "Surprise". She also refutes it in "Doomed", announcing that she is hardly a geek any longer because she is dating "a musician. In Dopplegangerland, she refutes Xander and Buffy's remarks about her being "old reliable" and Snyder's use of her bookish tendencies as well as Percy's comments by stalking off in a huff and deciding to eat a banana before lunchtime. Just as William's reaction is to ignore the aristocrats and go after Cecily, and after she rejects him, flee the scene in tears. It's not until the introduction of Tara and Drusilla, that Willow and William actually find an identity. Drusilla literally hands William his, by turning him into a monster and making him her sexual mate. Through Drusilla he is able to refute the weak-willed shy virginal William, by becoming the sexually aggressive, snarky, in your face Spike. The same thing happens with Willow through Tara. Tara enables Willow to embrace her homosexuality and access magic. With Tara- Willow has the power and is the controlling party. Before it was OZ who called Willow, baby. (Wild at Heart, Season 4, Btvs.) Now it's Willow calling Tara baby. In the scene from HUSH - we see Tara literally bolster Willow's magical powers, something she continues to do throughout Seasons 4 and 5. Although it may not have been intentional, Tara may be part of the reason Willow is as powerful as she is today.

Another important factor in the creation of the Spike persona was "the social class" William came from, which from the evidence presented in Fool For Love and Spike's subsequent reaction, appears to be the low middleclass. We could state this is similar to Willow, class-wise, but we have to be careful in the comparison. Since these two characters are separated by at least a century. A better comparison is how both are seen as outcasts in the social realities they inhabit.

William is described in the Shooting Script to Fool For Love as a sissy or "nancy-boy" -a perfect descriptor "of dear, sweet, slightly pathetic and clearly virginal William." (redcat, ATP board) If Joss Whedon is truly a fan of Jane Austen, then there is another literary image we can reference - the poor lower class relation often featured in Austen's novels. As Malandaz points out, "I see William's family as being thoroughly middle class, but with a father who made money in some trade (unworthy of the aristocracy) like the up and coming families in Jane Austen's novels. They are treated with disdain by the old landed gentry….. His father made money through hard work and either his father or (more likely) his mother wanted to see William become a gentleman. But While William's money may buy him admittance into the upper class, it cannot buy him acceptance." (Malandaz, 5/13/02, Response to Rufus's thoughts, ATP board.) In Jane Austen's novels this relation was often the son or daughter of a solicitor, who while being accepted in the drawing rooms of their wealthier relations, remained on the outskirts, sneered at and never fully accepted. Money was very important to them, because money = class and potential acceptance. Without it, the individual was doomed to remain on the outskirts. Although in English society, even money didn't necessarily equal class, you had to be born into it, which Malandaz eloquently stated above: "it may give him admittance (hence the drawing room scene with Cecily) it cannot buy him acceptance (Cecily and the aristocrats utter rejection of him.)" Perhaps as a reaction to this, " William was not into participating in society, he was a more solitary type, one who was a bit of an academic snob in that he wasn't going to get his hands dirty with 'ugly business' he clearly wouldn't be involved in." (Rufus, post on Spike on ATP Board.)

> MALE PARTYGOER: Ah William. Favor us with your opinion. What do you make of this rash of disappearances sweeping our town? Animals - or thieves?  
>  SPIKE: I prefer not to think of such dark, ugly business at all. That's what police are for.  
>  (Fool For Love, Season 5, Btvs.)

Does this remind you of anyone? Willow - in Season 1, Btvs, sits and struggles with breathing when she discovers there are vampires. Like William she almost gets vamped, seizing the moment with a vampire. She has just been rejected by Xander - the guy she adores and asks Buffy how to get a guy - Buffy suggests seizing the moment and off she goes. Lucky for Willow, Buffy is able to save her. William runs off after Cecily rejects him and is approached by Drusilla and likewise seizes the moment. When questioned about vampires - both mention talking to the police. Both are somewhat snobby and solitary - preferring libraries and books to people and mooning over the objects of their affection from afar. Willow dreamily listens to Xander practice asking Buffy out in Prophecy Girl while William dreamily writes poems to Cecily. (Fool for Love) When they approach the objects of their affection, both are summarily rejected. Willow is called one of the guys (Witch, Season 1) and William is told he is beneath her. (Fool for Love, Season 5).

The difference between William and Willow - is partly time period. As redcat notes - William was the product of his society. In doing their research - the writers carefully chose a model of the male outcast in English Society of the 1880s. Someone who was not born into the upper classes, was reduced to the scholarly or lower middle class and was tolerated by his wealthier relations and acquaintances. A character that populates most of Jane Austen's novels. Willow is the outcast of modern day society - called "Captain of the Nerd squad" by Percy in Doomed, Season 4, Btvs. The class brain who wears the weird clothes and hides her nose in books. Awkward in her own skin, Willow doesn't appear to know how to talk to her fellow classmates and her voice often comes out like a squeak. William's is halting and somewhat fussy like Giles, with a slight stutter. Both are gutsy in their own way - Willow striving to get closer to Xander in season 1 and William pursuing Cecily. Neither deal with the resulting pain well. As a possible result of this rejection - when the opportunity arises - both choose to reinvent themselves.

**Reinvention of Self : Becoming the Monster**

A. The Drug/Alcohol Metaphor - Buffyverse as Real World

Halfway through Season 2 , Willow begins to delve into magic, and it is at that point we see her begin to gain confidence in herself and her place within the gang. Willow's magic use, even at this early stage, can be used as a metaphor for drugs. As one poster mentioned, I forget who, hallucinogenic drugs have a similar affect on the user as magic - it changes your mental reality. The side effects are also similar: nosebleeds, dizzy spells. Mind- Altering dugs such as LSD, Ecstasy, and other milder hallucingenics can make the user feel freer creatively, more powerful, uninhibited, or in some regards merely different. Some drugs may even give the user a false sense of security or confidence. (Prozac, Paxil are current remedies.) In the 1960s, Timothy Leary and Robert Anton Wilson used drugs to reach another level or higher level of consciousness. (See "Sex, Drugs & Magick" by Robert Anton Wilson.). In controlled settings drugs were used to alter personalities of psychopaths and schizophrenics. The government also experimented with drug use - just as Riley and Sam's shamans experiment with dark magics in the jungle. (As You Were, Season 6, Btvs) Unfortunately a prevalent side-effect of repeated/unmonitored use was the complete breakdown of the patient's psyche. Some users' minds were simply gone - reduced to states of catatonia in which they would never return. A description that is quite similar to Sam's description of the shamans in As You Were. " They got addicted, there was nothing left, they were simply gone."

This metaphor can be compared to Spike's reliance and craving for blood. Unlike Willow, Spike cannot exist without blood. But Spike could choose to exist on pig's blood instead of human blood. (This point was made by Leslie, Sophist, Rufus and Malandaz in my Angel/Spike comparison on the ATP board.) Spike's addiction to human blood -on a realistic level, works as a metaphor for alcoholism. If he bites the girl in Smashed - the implication is he won't be able to stop. The chip is what holds him back - but the desire for it remains. He lusts after it like an alcoholic peering in the window of a liquor store. "Look at all the goodies." He says in Smashed, just before he finds one and argues with himself about biting her. The argument reminded me of a drunk falling off the wagon after a fight with his girlfriend. (Smashed had two characters flirting with this - Willow in the Bronze, and Spike in the alley.) Just like biting the girl in Crush - implies that he has fallen off the wagon. (Season 5). Both times, he reacts to the temptation the way an alcoholic would, teary-eyed, debating it either aloud or internally, I shouldn't do this…but what the hell, I'm evil, and no one's looking and …But like the alcoholic, one bite is enough. Just as Angel begins to crave Connor's blood in Sleep Tight, Ats Season 3, because his pig's blood has been spiked with it. Angel makes this point on more than one occasion - that he can't bit humans, because if he does, he's lost, the bloodlust takes over. (See Season 1-2 Ats.) Human blood may make the vamps feel more powerful, just as Willow's use of dark magic makes her feel more powerful - but the consequences are that they end up falling under the compass of chaos. Chaos tempts them and they succumb - Willow in the Bronze, who after awhile wonders if there's anything bigger and Spike who tries to do it in the alley only to be curtailed by the chip. (Smashed Season 6) Just as the drug user and alcoholic become chaotic under the influence: they believe they are in control, but they aren't, the false sense of control is one of the side-effects. What's interesting about Spike, is the writers haven't stopped with the implied blood = alcohol dependency metaphor, they've also made Spike addicted to alcohol, he spends a good portion of Lover's Walk (Season 3), Entropy (Season 6) and part of Seeing Red (Season 6), drinking. Like Willow, Spike uses outside means to numb his pain.

Another far less literal and more psychological metaphor for Willow's magic and Spike's vampiric urges -is unleashing the dark part of their psyche or monster to hide the geek.

B. Changing Personas Through Costume and Outward Appearance

The more Willow uses the magic, the more confident and cocky and self-assured Willow becomes, almost as if she is putting on a costume, something she does literally and figuratively before and after she starts practicing witchcraft. In fact, both Spike and Willow change costumes to express the persona they wish the outside world to see.

Willow seems to wear many costumes in the beginning of Season 2. In Inca Mummy Girl, she is wearing an Eskimo suite that literally hides every portion of her body but her face. Later in Halloween, Buffy tries unsuccessfully to get Willow to wear a funky mid-drift revealing outfit instead of the ghost costume she bought at Ethan Rayne's. Willow freaks out, feeling overly exposed by the sexy clothes and puts on the sheet instead. Buffy tells her: "Willow, no one is ever going to see you if you don't stop hiding." In Halloween the ghost costume turns Willow literally into a ghost and everyone sees the revealing costume underneath. Willow's costume doesn't protect her. But, Willow doesn't get this. Instead of letting herself be truly seen as she is, she just finds another costume - this one being magic. In Restless - Willow is told repeatedly that she needs to remove her costume. But by Season 4, Willow's identity has become so tied up with her outward use of magic that she no longer knows it is just a costume until it is literally stripped from her.

Willow's use of magic or adoption of this costume starts after Jenny Calendar is killed in Passion. Willow takes over her classes, her computer and her studies in magic, discovering another way to hide. And it doesn't hurt that she is really good at it. But Willow doesn't just use magic to hide, she also uses it to feel valuable to the group. She started out helping with her ability to hack into computers, but as time passes she uses magic. As Rufus states in her essay about Pain as a Barrier to Light (See APTOBTVS archives & good luck): _"Willow has always been the geek type, insecure little girl who felt powerless, unable to see her positive attributes as she was so busy ruminating over her failings or perceived flaws. Then she found something she was very good at - magic. Willow started her trip into the magical arts like one would embark on a science experiment, then she found out that she had actual talent beyond the beaker and burner experiments in magic."_ Rufus goes on to point out that Willow remains in Sunnydale to help the others, keep them safe from danger.

> Buffy: Okay, well, there are safer schools. There are safer prisons. I can't let you stay because of me.  
>  Willow: Actually, this isn't about you. Although I'm fond, don't get me wrong, of you. The other night, you know, being captured and all, facing off with Faith. Things just, kind of, got clear. I mean, you've been fighting evil here for three years, and I've helped some, and now we're supposed to decide what we want to do with our lives. And I just realized that that's what I want to do. Fight evil, help people… (Choices, Btvs Season 3)

In using her magic to aid in the good fight, Willow comes forward out of the dark library and computer room. She is no longer hidden. In The Zeppo and Choices (Season 3), we see Willow with Buffy on the front lines, casting spells. Xander, who used to be the one fighting alongside Buffy in Harvest and Prophecy Girl (Season 1) and Innocence and Becoming Part II (Season 2) is now relegated to Zeppo status or left out as the weak party. Willow has taken his place.

Before Spike becomes a vampire - we see him in a tweed suit and glasses, not unlike the suit he is wearing in Tabula Rasa or the suit that Giles wears through the majority of Season 1 Btvs. He's accent is refined scholarly English - similar to Giles and Wesely's English accents. (See Fool for Love, Season 5 Btvs) After he is turned into a Vampire and changes his name from William the Bloody to Spike, we see him in worker's clothing, suspenders, a white shirt, and overalls. His accent is North London, cockney similar to the accent Alex uses in A Clockwork Orange or Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols. The suspenders and loose white shirt are the clothes he wears when he kills the slayer during the Boxer Rebellion. It's interesting to note that his clothing, accent and overall demeanor is much more lower class than Drusilla, Darla and Angelus' who wear full suits befitting upperclass ladies and gentleman of the period. Spike's outfit makes him appear to be their hired hand or servant. His hair is tied back during this period and still a natural light sandy blond. (This is his first costume - Spike wears on in his quest to distance himself from "nancy-boy" William, whom he detests. (See Fool for Love, where Spike insists on using the name Spike. Or the number of times he uses the word "nancy-boy" or "poof" to describe someone who is fussily dressed or poetic. In Season 2, in response to Buffy's comment, "do we really need weapons?"- he states "No, but they make me feel all manly," stroking his groin as he says it.(School Hard, Season 2.)

Many fans felt that Spike was a "truthsayer" but his detractors are right, Spike is not a truthsayer. Far from it, Spike may occasionally reveal emotional truths about the others - but this is either by accident or to further his own opportunistic ends. Spike is constantly lying to himself. When it comes to his own situation - Spike is essentially blind. Most of what he says is a lie or a charade. He plays the Big Bad for all it's worth. Because the alternative, the pathetic, weak willed, William he once was - is something he can't stand to contemplate. Yet Spike's version of the Big Bad is nothing more than a black and white 1930's villain. A poser or sideshow freak. Not a true threat. (See Joss Whedon's commentary on Restless, Season 4 DVD, as posted by Rahael on ATPBTVS board archives.)

When Spike next appears in a subway train attacking the NY slayer, he is punk rock Spike, with white hair, cut short to his head and slicked back, eyeliner, a safety pin through one eyebrow, sliver rings on both hands, a sliver necklace and pierced ears. He is wearing black jeans. A sleeveless white t-shirt and a black leather vest with sliver studs. He looks like a combination of Sid Vicious and Billy Idol. This is when he picks up his trademark leather jacket. (Fool For Love, Season 5 Btvs, flashbacks). Through the drastic shifts in costume - Spike goes from shy scholar to ruffian to bad boy punk to shadowy sexual predator - the image represented by the black duster, which almost operates like a cape.

When Spike first enters Sunnydale - he wears the long black leather duster, red shirt, black t-shirt and black jeans with black boots. His hair is platinum blond or white. His fingernails are painted black. And we seldom see him wearing any jewelry. He also drives a De-Soto with painted windows. When he returns to Sunnydale in Season 4, he is still wearing this outfit, only occasionally dropping the red shirt or the jacket when he's indoors. But the jacket is still clearly part of his persona - which he makes sure he always has nearby. It is not until Season 6 after he starts his sexual relationship with Buffy, that we begin to see a few alterations in this costume: he starts wearing jewelry, his fingernails are no longer black, and he begins wearing button-down shirts instead of the trademark black-t-shirt. Also we see less of the red shirt.

Then in Seeing Red, he does the unthinkable, he sheds the trademark black leather duster, leaving it behind. Now he rides a motorcycle not the black De-Soto. He wears a long-sleeved black t-shirt and black jeans. No jewelry. Spike has changed his costume. He is no longer wearing the cape or trophy from the New York Slayer - his outfit of sexual seduction.

Willow also changed her costume. She goes from wearing fuzzy pink sweaters and clothes that make her look like a child or a as she puts it in Wild at Heart like a "birthday cake", to wearing cool t-dyed t-shirts, leather jackets, peasant shirts, and regular t-shirts. In Season 1, she wears the school girl uniform, complete with tights and tied back hair. This is similar to Willaim's tweed suit - symbolizing Mommy & Daddy's good little girl. A doll that they've dressed up and sent to school. In Season 2, she wears clothes that almost completely hide her physique such as the Eskimo costume, but starts to loosen up when she begins dating OZ and practicing magic. In Season 3, she's practicing more magic and wearing t-shirts, jeans and fuzzy sweaters. At this point - we see warm, fuzzy, loving Willow. By the time we reach Season 6, Willow has begun to wear black leather jackets, jeans, and mid-riff peasant shirts. This is confident, cool, in control of the world Willow.

In Seeing Red, Willow has red hair, white peasant shirt and blue jeans. She continues to wear this outfit until the end of Act I in Villains, when she changes to black jacket, black jeans and her hair becomes completely black. Willow like Spike becomes stripped of color in Villains. Her skin is white, her hair black and her clothing black. Spike's hair is white and his clothing is black in Seeing Red.

Both characters have changed their costumes to fit their new persona or the persona they wish to convey, which at this point is one of pain and rage. The Big Bad person, the monster that prefers simplicity and has no need for artifice. Yet there may be a difference here, however slight: Willow strips herself of her soft comfy persona down to the dark villainous one. Spike on the other hand, becomes a blank slate - black and white with no adornments. He appears completely uncertain of who or what he is.

Through these alterations in costume or outwardly appearance, the writers have been able to express how the characters wish themselves to be perceived. As both characters grow in confidence, they begin to choose the costume that they feel best expresses their feelings about the world and themselves in general. In this case the absence of color is important, because prior to this both characters liked a spot of color. Spike often would throw something on to make himself pretty for Buffy. Willow did the same for Tara. Their clothing was an expression of the sexual identity, an expression of who they were. It was also used to impress those around them. As Willow fusses over her shirt in OAFA when Tara shows up or Spike changes to the blue shirt and necklace in Smashed to impress Buffy. Now that Buffy and Tara are gone, Spike and Willow have stripped themselves down to the bare essentials, basic black and white. Now that this identity has been ripped from them by either death or removal of the object of their affection - all color and decoration goes with them.


	2. Spike and Willow Essay Parts II - Current Trajectory - Switching Sides from Dark to Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By reinventing themselves as a powerful witch and a sexually aggressive vampire, Willow and William, manage to shirk their former weak-willed virginal personas for strong powerful aggressive ones. As a witch - Willow becomes the aggressor both in her personal relationships as well as academically and in society. As a vampire - William likewise becomes an aggressor, pursuing the slayer, pursuing his prey. But there's more to the story -- it didn't happen overnight, and why did it happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written and revised after Season 6 aired, circa 2002. This is the conclusion of the Willow and Spike Essay - Unleashing the Monster - it was revised after the season concluded.
> 
> WARNING: Spoilers up to and including Grave. If you haven't seen all of Season 6, don't read any further!! Btvs Quotes from Psyche Transcripts (which no longer exist but did at the time -- Psyche transcribed the show while it aired.)
> 
> (* - these will be addressed in notes section at end of the essay.)

"I'm serious. Responsible people are ... always so concerned with ... being good all the time, that when they finally get a taste of being bad ... they can't get enough. It's like all (gestures) kablooey." Anya, Smashed, Season 6, Btvs.

"When you become a vampire the demon takes your body, but it  
doesn't get your soul. That's gone! No conscience, no remorse... It's an easy way to live." (Angel to Buffy in ANGEL, Btvs Season 1)

By reinventing themselves as a powerful witch and a sexually aggressive vampire, Willow and William, manage to shirk their former weak-willed virginal personas for strong powerful aggressive ones. As a witch - Willow becomes the aggressor both in her personal relationships as well as academically and in society. As a vampire - William likewise becomes an aggressor, pursuing the slayer, pursuing his prey. The witch and vampire motifs are interesting as well - since these are the two villains the SG fought way back in Season 1. Of the two the witch was far more formidable, since their defeat of Catherine Madison was almost a fluke. (Buffy lucked out, by flipping a mirror on Catherine - so that Catherine's spell was reflected back at her, in the final scene of Witch. I'm not sure if Buffy would have succeeded if it weren't for the mirror, which reflects Catherine rage and hate back at her. Interesting they defeat DarkWillow in almost the same manner, except they reflect her humanity and love back at her through Xander's words and Giles' magic.) Willow's cravings for magic and William's cravings for blood also work as metaphors for drug and alcohol abuse - common means for the real geeks to handle rejection and the energy it takes to maintain the false personas they've created to hide the so-called "geek".

But there's more to the story here. Willow did not pursue dark magic for the reasons Catherine did and Spike certainly didn't intend on becoming the insane vampire that we know today. Somewhere along the way - Spike and Willow started going against their original intent. Willow got corrupted by the dark magic she wielded, slowly finding herself bent to its will while Spike went in the opposite direction and found himself growing weaker as a vampire, because of an increased desire to aid order instead of chaos. It's almost as if the PTB (Powers That Be) and FoD (Forces of Darkness) in their continuous chess game, claimed each other's knight. Knights for those of you who aren't familiar with chess, never move in a straight line. At the moment - it looks like FoD got the upper hand, because a witch is far more powerful than a vampire. But then where would the SG (Scooby Gang) and Sunnydale be if Spike hadn't jumped sides? Also, Willow's descent into evil was far more direct and predictable than Spike's zig-zagged climb towards order, a climb he himself appears to be conflicted about.

The first shift in this trajectory happened in Season 2, in Becoming Part II. It was in this episode, that Willow decided to us dark magic to impose her good will on the world and Spike first used his vampire abilities to assist the forces of order. In doing so, both went against the nature of their power or the monster and that first step may have brought them both to where they are today.

In Becoming, Season 2, Angelus plans to suck the world into hell by awakening Acathula. He kidnaps Giles, who unwittingly provides the necessary information. To stop him, the SG comes up with a two-pronged approach. Spike locates Buffy and convinces her to join forces with him to defeat Angelus and save the world. Willow, having just awoken from a coma and without consulting Buffy, decides to curse Angelus with a soul. Both are partially successful. Spike manages to even the odds in Buffy's favor. Angelus is correct, Buffy could not have taken them all on alone. Not even with Xander's help. In the previous episode, Drusilla and Angelus' minions had killed Kendra (the other slayer), broke Xander's arm, kidnapped Giles, and injured Willow. Spike's help was invaluable in defeating Dru and Angelus. Willow also manages to return Angelus' soul to him - but she does it a little late. (For those people out there who still haven't forgiven Xander for not telling Buffy about Willow's plan - it wouldn't have mattered. Angelus' had opened Acalthula prior to getting his soul back. Buffy would have had to kill him anyway. And if she'd known - she could have gotten herself killed in the process. Xander probably did the right thing for the wrong reasons. Just as Willow did the wrong thing for the right reasons.) In short, Willow's curse did not save the world. All it did was complicate things.

Spike does something very interesting in Becoming. Almost shocking if you stop and think about it. Oh it makes logical sense. Because of Buffy, who dropped a pipe organ on his head, Spike was chained to a wheelchair for months listening to Angelus shag Drusilla. Not to mention putting up with all of Angelus' obsessions and insults. And he certainly had plenty of time to brood. At the time his little plan probably seemed flawless. After all, what was there to lose? He gets Dru. Buffy, if he's lucky, kills Angelus. The world doesn't go to hell. He and Dru leave Sunnydale happily ever after. Except for one teensy little problem - he went against his calling as a vampire, against chaos, against the FoD to do this. He jumped tracks in midstream. The FoD really don't care why he did it. They tend to look at the big picture, petty human emotions are beyond them and they believe should be beyond their warriors. What did the Judge tell Spike? "You stink of emotion and affection."(Surprise, Season 2) You aren't supposed to help the slayer save the world so you can drive off in the sunset with your one true love. You're supposed to wreck havoc and kill the slayer - you dimwit. Drusilla, nutty as she is, understands this. Meanwhile the PTB are gleefully rubbing their hands together, thinking hmmm this looks interesting, better keep an eye on this guy.

Willow on the other hand - has used dark magic to curse someone. Like Spike, she may have had the best of intentions, but the PTB don't really care. You're not supposed to delve into dark magic to curse someone. That's a door you might want to keep closed. Yes - in the long run giving Angelus back his soul may have aided them, but it was a risky move since it may have worked against them too. Also the curse itself gave Willow access to something that was over her head. Meanwhile - the FoD are rubbing their hands together, going hmmm let's keep an eye on this one, see where it leads. Who knows all may not be lost after all.

In Season 3 Btvs, we get to see the effects these choices had on both characters.

Willow apparently has been delving in the dark magicks most of the summer. We learn in Dead Man's Party, the second episode of Season 3, that Willow has had a few magical accidents, including almost setting her bed on fire. Later in Gingerbread, Willow tells her mother that she can summon at least two of the forces of nature. "Mom, I'm not acting out. I'm a witch! I-I can make pencils float. And I can summon the four elements. Okay, two, but four soon."

Spike, we learn in Lover's Walk and later through flashbacks in Fool For Love (Season 5, see scene between him and Drusilla, dated 1998 - Brazil) , has lost Drusilla. He's no longer evil enough for her. As he tells Willow in Lover's Walk, "It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft. Wasn't demon enough for the likes of her." Being love's bitch, he wishes Dru had just killed him. "She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. (sniffs) I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared." Neither Willow nor Spike have a healthy view of love - they both obtain their self-worth through the eyes of their lovers. They are not worthy by themselves. This makes them both "loves bitches" and somewhat dangerous to whomever they become interested in. Willow states in Two to Go, Season 6 and in Tough Love, Season 5, 'without Tara, I'm nothing.' She can't sleep without her in Tough Love and in Two To Go, she tells Buffy that the only time she felt good about herself was the moments she looked into Tara's eyes. Spike says the same thing in Lovers' Walk about Drusilla: "I'm nothing without her." Drusilla and Tara have managed through their love and relationships with Spike and Willow to elevate S/W's opinions of themselves. Before Tara and Dru, S/W believed they were "geeks", "mediocre", after Tara and Dru, S/W became vampire and witch - powerful entities.

Back to Lover's Walk. Willow is attempting a de-lusting spell with Xander when Spike discovers her and requests that she give him a love spell for Drusilla. Both want to use spells to control their loved ones. Both are terribly afraid of losing that which makes them feel good. Willow feels guilty that she is now getting these good feelings from two sources: Xander and OZ. In Lover's Walk, a drunken lovesick Spike returns to Sunnydale to revenge himself on Angel for breaking up him and Drusilla. He initially intends to curse Angel but changes his mind and asks Willow to conjure a love spell instead. Willow meanwhile is trying a delusting spell to control hers and Xander's sudden attraction for each other. They've been cheating on Cordelia and OZ and Willow feels incredibly guilty. Unable to resist Xander's charms, she decides to control her feelings with magic. Just as Spike resorts to magic to get Drusilla back. Neither accomplish their ends. Willow informs Spike that she left a spell book at Buffy's house. Instead of just picking up the book, Spike takes the time to commiserate with Joyce over a cup of coco. They discuss their ex's and Joyce tells Spike that sometimes people just go their separate ways. As a result of this odd almost human repast, Angel and Buffy catch up to Spike and they inadvertently help him fight off a bunch of the Mayor's thugs hired to rid the town of Spike. (Quick digression - As was commented on by Ronia and verdenathe on ATP board - the Mayor saw Spike as a potential loose canon, unpredictable, and possibly dangerous to his plans, so he hired thugs to kill him instead of attempting to recruit him. Interesting - considering how much work he and Faith went to - to attempt to turn Angel into Angelus in Enemies. This leads me to believe that the Mayor saw Spike as a greater threat to his plans than Angel, whom he ignored until Faith came on the scene. Clever Mayor.)

Willow once again resorts to the forces of darkness for the right reasons - to protect OZ and Cordelia from what she and Xander are doing. And Spike once again ends up doing something good for the wrong reasons - defeating and killing a bunch of evil vampires in a street fight and commiserating with Joyce to survive and make himself feel good. He ends up leaving Sunnydale without killing Willow or Xander or acquiring a spell. Instead he decides to win Drusilla back on his own and gives Buffy a piece of invaluable insight regarding Angel. Willow and Xander get caught in the act and Willow is forced to take responsibility for her actions as well.

Just a few episodes after Lover's Walk, we find Willow resorting to dark magic to deal with the pain of rejection and frustration in Dopplegangerland.

> Anya: Yeah. Um, listen, (steps up closer to her) I have this little  
>  project I'm working on, and I heard you were the person to ask if...  
>  Willow: (interrupts, ironically) Yeah, that's me. Reliable-Dog-Geyser  
>  Person. What do you need?  
>  Anya: Oh, it's nothing big. (secretively) Just a little spell I'm  
>  working on. (shrugs)  
>  Willow: (suddenly interested, steps down to her) A spell?  
>  (nonchalantly) Oh. I like the black arts.

Willow doesn't want to be old reliable. She wants to be important, fun and possibly more like Buffy. In Choices she lets Buffy know that she wants to join her fight, go against the forces of evil. Use her gift with magic to help. (See Choices, last scene, Season 3 Btvs.) But one little problem, she is delving into the dark forces of magic to do it and the more she uses these forces to do good, the more she gets tainted by the power, becoming somewhat addicted to it herself. By the time we reach Season 4, Fear Itself, OZ expresses fears about Willow's increased use of magic and Buffy suggests that her spells are usually fifty-fifty and hardly reliable. Willow reacts to both comments with disdain. Telling Buffy and Oz off. (See Fear Itself, Season 4). In the episode Willow uses magic to find her way - but the magic backfires on her, threatening to attack and consume her in the form of tiny green fireflies.

A few episodes later we see Spike in Sunnydale again. In The Initiative, Spike gets a nasty little government chip in his head that castrates his monster. He doesn't realize it's there until he attempts to attack Willow, which doesn't quite turn out as he had planned. He tries to be the Big Bad, he truly does. When he enters her dorm room, Spike intends to kill and vamp Willow (Btvs' standard rape metaphor* ) But the chip stops him and he is unable to perform. What happens next is a touching scene between two people in pain. Oddly enough, Spike accomplishes with Willow what Riley failed to do earlier, comfort her and make her feel wanted. We see him accomplish the same feat with Anya several episodes later in Where the Wild Things Are and in Season 6's Entropy.

Here's a portion of the scene in The Initiative, Season 4, Btvs:

> Willow : It's me, isn't it?  
>  Spike : What are you talking about?  
>  Willow : Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. I--I... You didn't want to bite me. I just happened to be around.  
>  Spike : Piffle!  
>  Willow : I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, "ooh, you're like a sister to me," or, "oh, you're such a good friend."  
>  Spike : Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat.  
>  Willow : Really?  
>  Spike sits on her bed again.  
>  Spike : Thought about it.  
>  Willow : When?  
>  Spike : Remember last year, you had on that... Fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath?  
>  Willow : I never would have guessed. You played the blood-lust kinda cool.  
>  Spike : Mmm. I hate being obvious. All fang-y and "rrrr!" Takes the mystery out.  
>  Willow : But if you could...  
>  Spike : If I could, yeah.  
>  Willow : You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying.

This scene, in a nutshell, demonstrates the similarities between the two characters. Both ache for some sort of acknowledgement. Whether that be acknowledgment of their peers, their enemies, or even loved ones. Willow is reeling from OZ's departure and the feeling that she is unimportant, like Spike - Willow's self worth was completely wrapped up in how her lover felt about her. Spike's self-worth is reflected by Drusilla, when Drusilla is gone, he becomes pathetic, the "shell of a loser". Willow is the same way - when OZ leaves, she becomes pathetic - resorting to alcohol then spells to make the pain go away, just like Spike did in Lover's Walk.

Spike and Willow's actions are largely motivated by love. It's their raison d'etre, their drug of choice. Through the love of another - their self-worth is either increased or decreased. Both are addictive personalities - and like most addictive personalities -"the good feelings associated with love" become a drug. It's not real love of course - but they don't know that. They don't realize that you can't love someone until you first love and respect yourself, without that, any love you provide is empty, because you don't believe you have anything worth giving, you're relying on the other person to provide everything. The object of your affection is providing you with your identity, your self-worth, etc. You are merely reflecting what they give you back at them, like a mirror. The more attention S/W receive from the object of their affection, whether it be purely physical or emotional, the better they feel. When that attention is removed, they go into severe with-drawl. They have no ego/no self outside of the one projected on them by the object of their affection, when that object is removed, they become lost in the same manner as someone who goes off cocaine or heroine may become "lost". They will do literally anything to regain that drug no matter what the cost. As a result - love or the lack thereof, as they define it, can motivate them to do good or evil.

When Spike loses Dru - his first response is alcohol, the second is a love spell. Willow's first is magic, then alcohol, then the fateful "Will it So" spell of Something Blue, which almost gets her turned into a vengeance demon and results in her friends' deaths. When Tara fights with Willow in All The Way and threatens to leave in Tabula Rasa - Willow's first response is to cast a spell that rips away Tara's memories of the fight in All The Way and all of her memories in Tabula Rasa. Thus forcing Tara to stay with her. This act, while appearing somewhat mundane on the surface, is actually from Tara's point of view worse than a physical rape. Glory had brain-sucked Tara the year before and Tara lives in fear of losing her mind. It is amazing that Tara is able to forgive Willow for it, which she does in Entropy (Season 6). Spike reacts in a similar fashion when he loses Buffy. He tries alcohol. He tries magic to numb the pain. He tries sleeping with Anya for solace, which just makes the situation worse. (Entropy) And eventually, he does what Willow did, he physically forces his desires on his lover, attempts to recreate their relationship with force. (Seeing Red). This act, like Willow's mind-rape of Tara, sends him reeling, exacerbating the conflict inside him. So at first it appears that he just wants to get his chip removed then later, it becomes clear that he really just wants to improve himself for the person he loves. He wants to change the part of himself that caused Buffy pain. Willow does the same thing when she attempts to go off magic. She attempts to change the part of herself that caused her lover pain, the magic. But it takes her awhile to realize it was her dependence on magic that caused this. Just as it takes a while for Spike to realize that it was his demonic urges that caused him to hurt the woman he loves. The monster they prefer has cost them what they care about most. Worse - it has caused them to hurt that person in a horrible way. Remember - they are both addicted to what they are receiving from Buffy and Tara, when it is removed, they become desperate and try to take it back by force, then realize too late this act just pushes it further away. I'm not saying they do not have genuine feelings for Buffy and Tara, but until they learn to love and appreciate themselves they have nothing worthy to give B/T.

Their responses are oddly similar, they both try to destroy the monster. Apparently they've realized that the monster they've created to handle the geek is what is depriving them of the love they crave. So - get rid of the monster and we get the love back. Unfortunately it's not that simple. Tara prematurely comes back to Willow, only to lose her life, leaving Willow once again in severe withdrawl. Willow just went off the magic, she didn't build up her self-esteem or deal with her inner geek. She just switched from one drug to another - Tara. When Tara leaves - Willow predictably switches back to magic, just like she did in Smashed and Wrecked, just like she does when Oz left her. What Spike does is actually healthier than Willow; he, once again, appears to be doing the right thing for the wrong reasons. He decides to get a soul to regain Buffy's love. He should be getting it to improve himself - perhaps, in the end, he is, I'm not sure.

Let's back up a bit and check the side and rear view mirrors. How many times has Spike done the right thing for the wrong reasons? And what the heck do I mean by that anyway? Well - starting with Becoming - Spike helps save the world to get Dru back. Right thing - selfish reason. In Lover's Walk - he reveals Willow and Xander's whereabouts, commiserates with Joyce, and kills vampires - to help himself, again right thing, wrong reasons. In Initiative - he inadvertently comforts Willow because he's feeling sorry for himself. In Doomed - he helps save the world again, because he's bored and doesn't want to die. In New Moon Rising - he helps them rescue OZ - because Adam wants him to get in tight with SG. In Primeval, he switches sides and helps the SG because Adam decides to kill him and he doesn't want to get staked. In Season 5, he helps save the world again and protects Dawn, to win Buffy's favor and he loves Buffy. In Into the Woods - he reveals what Riley's doing with vamp trulls to break Buffy and Riley up. Now in Season 6, he fights alongside the SG all summer and helps Dawn to live up to his promise to Buffy in The Gift and assuage his guilt - getting closer to right reasons now. He continues to help them - because of Buffy. Yet, the more Spike helps, the weaker, Spike the vampire becomes.

Willow on the other hand is becoming quite powerful. By the end of Season 5 - Buffy tells Willow that she's the "big gun", she's even more powerful than Buffy. Willow is the only one who came close to harming Glory, a hell-god. By the Bargaining - Willow can communicate with everyone telepathically, move objects with her mind, levitate, and raise the dead. Spike on the other hand - can barely kill a vampire. The more Willow dabbles in dark magic, the more addicted she gets to the power, the closer she gets to the monster within. The more Spike tries to do the right thing and help the SG, the further he drifts from the source of his power and the further he gets from the vampire he is. As a result, Spike looks more like a man in Season 6 and Willow looks more like a force to be reckoned with. By Grave, the two characters have literally flip-flopped. Willow is in danger of losing her humanity or soul to the dark magic she wields while Spike is in danger of regaining his humanity or soul and losing his demonic identity.

In the last three episodes of Season 6: Spike's trials in Africa echo Willow's external uses of magic just as their lack of color in custom or makeup echo each other. The inter-cutting between the trials and Willows rampages demonstrates metaphorically where these two characters paths have led them. It also thematically shows the choices we can make regarding vengeance, rage, and grief. We can either fight this battle internally - and not lose ourselves possibly even regain a portion of the self we had lost, or we can unleash our rage, grief, pain and vengeance on the world around us, losing ourselves and possibly that world in the process. In Spike's first trial he fights a warrior with hands of fire. Willow exerts her power on herself and others through her hands - sending sparks of firey black magic at her victims. In one instance, the writers literally switch us from Willow's firey blast of Andrew and Jonathan to Spike's fight with the fire demon. Spike's struggle is internal - he is fighting against the fire of vengeance in himself - by fighting against the warrior which very well may be the external reflection of his need for vengeance. The test is one he chooses to undergo to better himself. Willow on the other hand, unleashes her vengeance on her friends and the Trio, in essence becoming the Warrior Demon, herself. Spike, meanwhile defeats the warrior demon and moves on to the next test. The second test is with two demons that he must chop the heads off of - this seems similar to Willows unleashing of the grave demons on Buffy and Dawn who must slay them with swords, chopping off their heads. Spike is in a sense slaying his grief, his pain at being rejected, maybe even his guilt. Willow is unleashing hers, her guilt at resurrecting Buffy, her grief at losing terror, her pain. Then we move onto Spike's final test - the insects and beetles (not described specifically as anything but beetles in the shooting script). The beetles represent rage - the type that crawls inside you and attempts to devour you whole. Spike's demonic rage at himself and Buffy for becoming what he and some fans believe to be a weak and pathetic creature. (Personally - I don't view him as weak - his attempts to change himself for the woman he loves show an incredible amount of strength. Also he has had to adapt to that chip - also a show of strength and resilience. I didn't need to watch him endure those horrible trials to believe this.) Spike endures the beetles. The beetles crawling over Spike are similar to the black magic text crawling up Willow's arms and invading her body. Willow unlike Spike does this on purpose. She is not enduring a trial. She willingly pulls the rage and violence out of the books and into her, relishing its power. Spike endures, screaming in agony. As a result the beetles clean him of his rage, his impure thoughts, and demonic desires. While Willow is filled with rage, Spike is cleaned of it.

At the end of Grave - Willow's humanity is saved by the combined forces of Xander and Giles. But she is hardly out of the woods. She has committed horrendous acts with her magic, destroying half of Sunnydale, killing Warren, attempting to kill all her friends. These acts have tainted her just as the dark forces she wields have. Spike, on the other hand, endures his trials and regains his soul. His actions have also tainted him but in the opposite direction. Spike was an evil soulless being, but by doing the right thing consistently for the wrong reasons - he has slowly become tainted by good. Now Spike has regained a sizable amount of his humanity back while Willow has lost a sizable amount of hers. In Becoming Spike was the evil, irredeemable Big Bad (or little Bad if you will) and Willow was the sweet loving human wanting to do good - now four years later, Willow is the evil, possibly irredeemable Big Bad and Spike has gone after his human soul. And these events occurred because of the characters' mutual desire to be loved. Willow's loss of Tara causes her to give up her humanity/soul and get lost in magic, Spike's loss of Buffy causes him to give up his demon identity and regain his soul/humanity. Love really can make you do the wacky.

So who won this match? The Powers of Good or the Forces of Darkness? Is what Spike and Willow feel really love? Did Spike get a soul for the right reasons? Did Willow resort to magic for the wrong ones? Does it really matter why we choose to do what we do? Or is it what we choose to do that is most important? Is part of growing up - understanding why we do things and taking responsibility for the act as well as the reasons? If we can understand the reasons behind our actions - will we think twice before doing them? What if anything have Spike and Willow learned? And how has it changed them? Will Willow think twice before resorting to magic? Will Spike think twice before attacking someone, whether that be sexually or for food? I think so. I believe that the reasons are as important as the actions and I think both characters have learned a great deal this year about their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes/Responses from posts on ATPBTVS Board where it was initially posted
> 
> · Vamping as rape metaphor: Several posters have strong feelings against this, seeing vamping in the "literal" fantasy sense. But in popular literature vamping has long been used as sexual seduction. Some authors, such as Ann Rice, have used it as a metaphor for Aids - the act of getting bitten by a vampire is sexually charged yet unleashes death by polluting your blood, so you are diseased. Joss Whedon in Season 1, Btvs avoided this metaphor as much as possible, even made fun of it in School Hard - Spike's line to Angel: "They still fall for all that Ann Rice stuff? What a world!" Season 2. Then suddenly we had the Angel/Angelus storyline. And of course - Spike's seductive capture of bad girl Sheila in School Hard. After Season 2, vamping took on a more sexually charged metaphor. And by Season 4, Spike's return to Sunnydale - he was portrayed as aggressive and sexually abusive before the chip. Both HLOD and The Initiative demonstrate this in his relationship with Harmony and his interactions with Willow and Buffy. Also both episodes are metaphorically about the objectifying of women and the errors of casual meaningless sex. Remember: BTvs operates on three levels. First the Buffyverse Fantasy Level, Then the metaphorical hero's journey level, then and most important to the writers - the real world rationalist level - ie. What real world horror do we want to deal with this week? At it's best, the real world level is subtly hinted at through metaphor - ie. The Initiative, at it's worst the real world level reads like an Afterschool Special - Wrecked and Seeing Red. But it is always there. The confusion lies in the fact - that outside of the Initiative and possibly HLOD - vamping was not used as a metaphor for rape in Btvs. Which may be why they did not rely on the vamping metaphor in SR, the writers wanted to make sure there was no ambiguity in what was being portrayed onscreen.
> 
> · Xander's love will save Willow, but Spike has no one, so is doomed? If you think that you missed the point of this essay. Someone else can't save us - we have to save us. If Willow gets involved with Xander, all she is doing is trading his love for Tara's - another drug. Willow needs to be able to stand on her own two feet. Leaning on Xander to do it is not healthy for either character. Actually I think Spike has a better chance - he is being forced to find his own way without the aid of anyone else that makes him stronger. He went after the soul on his own. Sometimes our greatest battles are interior ones and in those battles we are all alone. No one can save us. Xander's love can't save Willow - all it can do is point her in the right direction, a direction she will probably have to travel down alone to truly be whole. Once she is - then perhaps, she can give and receive love.


End file.
